Tick Tock. Children - not children
85% of my closest girl friends are now in a relationship and all of them have a child or are trying to have one. Several of them are already on child number two.
Even the few girl friends I have who are single, wish and dream that one day they too will become a mother. I only have one friend who wants the opposite. She is also in a relationship, but she doesn't want children, even though her boyfriend is daddy material.
Despite the fact that I will soon be 30, the call to become a mother has never spoken to me, as it has spoken to all of my other girl friends.
People who know me well, describe me as kind, empathetic, caring, supportive and loving. Many have claimed that I would be a great mother.
Yet my desire to become a mother has never been there.
I once thought in my early 20s, that I had to become a mother one day, because it is expected of me since I am a woman. I'm designed to carry life. If I don`t carry life, I go against what nature wants. Not least, I will then crush the family's wishes and expectations and I will then take from them the role of becoming uncle, grandmother etc.
Am I not a little egocentric if I want something other than what others expect of me, and will I then feel a little alone if I choose not to have children?
After much soul-searching, I have ended up with the same decision year after year.
It`s not a right choice for me to have children. In addition, I have several cousins who have chosen not to have children and they live a very meaningful and exciting life that I myself want. They travel and experience lots of exciting things.
There is so much that I then have to give up that I don`t want. As an example, time for art.
Much of my free time and not at least, my alone time will be gone, but that time is sacred to me. It is only with alone time, I can "fill up my cup" and not go completely out of my mind.
I have known myself for almost 30 years and I am who I am. Always been like that.
Highly sensitive.
Then I would rather claim that there is more ego of those around me who will incur something on me, tha I don`t want…
The time we live in is also completely different than just a few years ago. We generally live in a very uncertain time. The world is not and will not be the same after the pandemic. I will not even go into the climate changes.
I don`t envision being back in a regular job right away due to my health either, so no children. That's how it is!
Besides, I think many who have children (not all of course) only have children because they themselves don`t have much else going on in their lives. That they are simply bored. They think it will be fun to have children…
Fortunately for me, I rarely get bored, since I`ve always enjoyed myself in my own company. I am an introvert by nature and have a rich inner life in general.
I'm pretty sure I'm on this planet to create, but not create life. I am her to make the lives of those who are already here better with my art, with my values and in general with who I am.
You do not have to have children to prove that you are a full-fledged human being or that you are a woman enough. That's my opinion.
"You are as happy as your saddest child", I remember Dr. Phil once said.
Having children, would have made me a very unhappy mother. I am a person who is easily overwhelmed due to my highly sensitive nature and in addition I have a touch of ADHD. Much possible I would have forgotten the kid in the car. Distracted as I can be.
All of the loud noises also put me off. I actually have to sleep every night with earplugs.
It's just not a good idea for me to have children.
With so much responsibility and worry all the time for another human being in that way, I would not have coped and my health would have completely collapsed. I can actually guarantee you that.
Fortunately, I have the support and respect of my friends for my choice.
Even my mother supports my decision that she will never have a grandchild from me, because she knows me and knows very well who I am. She could never have put such pressure on me.
Even she thinks it has been and still is tough to be a mother. But not just mother, single mother of two!
So I must say I admire all women and of course fathers, who choose to have children. It is on many levels very rewarding. I understand that much, but it's just not for everyone.
But without you, there would not be human life on this planet.
Glad we are different, because if everyone had been and chosen like me, humanity would have perished.
- Kristina